12 Dating Tips That Will Transform Your Love Life

Real talk: Dating is sometimes harder than it should be. After countless dinners and drinks, it can be tempting to throw in the towel and resign to nights of forever watching Netflix alone in your bed. But when dating is done right, it can be amazing, and those great dates often lead to great relationships. So consider this your dating playbook, with all the information you need to survive the first date and make sure there's a second one.

GO BEYOND THE BAR SCENE

Sure, you might meet the love of your life while sipping gin and tonics, but wouldn't it be so much cooler to say you met at a mud run? You never know where you're going to meet the next person you date, so if you're only looking in one spot (like that bar where you're a regular) then you're missing out on tons of possible partners. We know plenty of couples who have met while standing in line at the grocery store, a Target parking lot, even a naked reality show. The takeaway? Love can crop up anywhere, so get out there and keep your eyes open.

LET YOUR FRIENDS SET YOU UP

No one loves you quite like your friends do, so let them set you up with someone that they can vouch for. "It's better for single people to meet through friends because there's a familiarity and comfort that goes with that," says behavioral scientist Christie Hartman, Ph.D. "A friend setting you up means the guy is 'vetted' to some extent." So let them play matchmaker—but first, lay down some rules. Make it clear ahead of time that the way the date goes is totally not a reflection on your friend, or you, or the guy. Hey, sometimes chemistry is there, and sometimes it isn't. So unless your friend is Patti Stanger, remind her that it's no one’s fault if this goes horribly wrong. (But if it goes totally right, you should probably buy her a drink).

CONSIDER DATING YOUR FRIENDS

The term "friend zone" should totally be banished—in part, because your friends can sometimes make the best dates. Think about it: Someone you're already friends with is likely to have similar values, to know your background and your family, and to make you feel ultra comfortable with them. Plus, friendship is the foundation for any relationship, so having that bond established can be key, says relationship expert Jane Greer, Ph.D., author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship.

CHOOSE THE RIGHT DATING SITE

The Internet is a beautiful thing: It brought us Twitter, cat videos,Orange Is the New Black, and now, it can bring you love. But when you're ready to make the plunge into online dating, how do you decide which site to sign up for? We found a handy cheat sheet from digital matchmaker Julie Spira, who gave us the lowdown on 12 popular dating sites. Think about what it is you want out of an online dating experience—A hookup? A boyfriend? A marriage?—then choose the site that matches your interests, so you're not just wasting your time online (that's what the cat videos are for).

FOCUS ON FIRST IMPRESSIONS

First dates can be overwhelming, so streamline your focus into making the first few moments count. It takes only 12 minutes for you to decide if you're interested in the other person (and for them to decide if they dig you) so bring your A-game the second you arrive. To make a stellar first impression, make eye contact, smile, and focus on what he's saying, according to Susan RoAne, author of How to Work a Room: The Ultimate Guide to Making Lasting Connections—In Person and Online. And don’t forget to check in with yourself, too! You might be so focused on making a flawless first impression that you forget to ask yourself if you’re even into the other person.

DON'T PLAY IT COOL ON A DATE

We've all been told that guys love the chase, but according to research, that's not exactly true. One study showed that men are more attracted to responsive women, and women who were kind and warm right off the bat. That doesn't mean being over-the-top eager—you don't have to laugh at his jokes if they're not funny—but it's definitely OK to respond to that text in a timely manner, or tell him how much fun you're having. Being kind is definitely a turn on, so forget what you’ve been told about playing it ice-cold.

10 Dating Tips I REALLY Wish I'd Followed While I Was Single

Let us save you some time, energy and heartache. You can thank us later.
When I started seeing my husband, aka the first guy I wasn't embarrassed to tell my therapist about, I was gobsmacked to realize how much I hadn't known about dating before then.
In fact, I'd been going about being single all wrong. I didn't have very much fun at it, which is depressing since I didn't pair up until my 30s.
Besides, so much luck was involved in my finding my match that there are probably more alternate universes where I'm still living solo than where I'm married.
I realize that my past experiences have made me who I am today, but I still wish I could go back in time and have a sisterly chat with poor, clueless, "younger me."
I could've written three novels, started a business and hiked the Appalachian Trail with all the wasted time and energy. It's too late for me, but maybe you can learn from what I wish I knew then.
1. Finding a romantic partner is only one of many goals you can have at once. There's a difference between making something a priority and having an obsession. No one wants to be the Captain Ahab of the dating world.
2. When you like a guy, and your mutual friends have multiple anecdotes about him projectile vomiting after excessive drinking, you need to rethink the infatuation. You didn't like it when your godson hurled on you, and he was a toddler.
3. It's not about getting someone to think you're good enough for them. It’s about finding someone you can stand to spend a ridiculous amount of time with. It's about finding the puzzle piece you fit with and the Ernie to your Bert.
4. Work on your gaydar. It'll make your life much easier.
5. Sometimes boyfriends have little annoying habits. And sometimes they have small behaviors that indicate a complete lack of respect. If you wouldn't let your friend's sweetie talk to her that way, don't put up with it yourself.
6. If you're bored out of your mind at the local bar on Saturday night, you're probably not going to meet anyone there who's going to liven up your evening. Instead of downing an extra cocktail to numb the ennui, think of somewhere else to go next weekend that you might actually enjoy. If your friends don't want to join you, go anyway.
7. Stop worrying about potential paramours rejecting you for being too fat, too short, too whatever. It's entirely possible that you would've had to reject them for never having seen Star Wars(your essential piece of pop culture may vary) anyway. People who simply are "not the right fit" exist. The sooner you weed them out of your life, the happier you'll be.
8. Go to movies by yourself. The same goes for museums, parks and concerts. When you're part of a couple, you miss being free to follow your every whim. Being unattached means not having to compromise on your plans.
9. A first date is not an audition for marriage. It's just a tryout for a second date. No one ever fell in love while analyzing every detail of their momentous first meeting.
10. If a man says that he's too damaged for you (or too neurotic, or too anything), just take his word for it. Even if it is his low self-esteem talking, you're not going to be able to fix him. And it's probably just a euphemism for "I'm just not feeling it."

Are These Subconscious Mistakes Telling Your Date You’re Not Interested?

The only time you should be hard to read is during a poker game or boardroom negotiations. Your first date is not one of those times, and yet so many of us are hard to read.
Unless you’re specifically telling your date, “Hey, I like you!”, they are often left looking for subtle subconscious cues to tell them how you feel. You may not even realize it, but you could be giving all the wrong signs.
So the next time you’re on a date, and you want to make sure the other person knows you like them, avoid these subtle and subconscious mistakes.
Closed Body Language
You may think that first impressions are built off of the words you say, but at least 50% of initial connections are based off of your body language. So while your mind is telling you YES… your body, your body is telling them no.
Be sure to keep open body language. Face your date even if you are sitting next to each other at a bar, make sure your body is turned towards them. Keep your arms loose – don’t cross or fold them or hold  them together for too long. Lean in towards your date when they speak to show just how much you’re listening to what they’re saying.
Monotone Voice
After body language, your tone of voice accounts for 30% of how your potential date relates to you. Adding peaks and valleys to the way you relate information makes you sound more interested in what they’re saying and in what you have to say.
This doesn’t mean to keep a high, energy-filled tone of voice throughout the date. It just means that adding variety to your tone of voice and even matching your date’s tone will make them feel more comfortable and make you more approachable.
Answering Questions Generally
Connections are made in the details. When you give brief or general answers to questions, you give off the impression that you are not interested. It’s not easy for everyone to share the details of their life, but it’s necessary when dating.
Run through answering common dating questions with friends, colleagues or in the mirror until you become more comfortable. Be prepared with stories to tell. Sharing takes practice, but it’s in the sharing that you’ll connect with others.

Why Women Love Jerks, & Why You Should Be a Nice Guy Anyway

Do women truly prefer jerks — men who treat them rudely, who act like they could take ‘em or leave ‘em, or who actually do take them…then leave them?
If it weren’t for the stories and letters, I’d have to wonder; I myself prefer good, true, honest, loving, kind, faithful men—most especially the nice guy I married. I’d choose him again and again.
And yet we all know women who can’t seem to get excited about anyone but a jerk. So yes, it’s true: Some women want jerks. The bigger question is why.
The Status
Think back to your high school days. Now shudder. Now remember the guy who got all the girls. Yeah, him. I’ll bet he was a jerk.
On personality inventories, jerks aren’t sociopaths — they’re just really disagreeable, per scientific studies on personality. If you want to test your own personality traits, you can look here before continuing.
High school rewards jerkiness. Abundant science plus your own experience back this up: Girls dig status. In high school, status comes from having the quickest wit or the most athletic prowess, or both. All humor is pain redefined. The funniest guy in high school is typically hilarious at others’ expense. And jocks are not always known for throwing their weight around in the kindest possible ways.
The Money
The reason girls love status is the same one women do: In study after study, it’s associated with a man’s ability to provide and protect. Just as the toughest jock would have made a great protector in the ancient past—where all human mating psychology comes from—women today are drawn to whoever gets them and their kids/genes to survive. In today’s terms, that means money.
And jerks have money. Across a series of studies, the “jerk perk” is worth about $10k a year on average, or 18% more than more agreeable male peers. They aren’t better employees, but they have no hesitations about putting themselves or their interests forward. And that leads to ka-ching.
The Panties
There’s an industry directed at teaching men to be jerks—to alternately fake long-term interest, feign indifference, and/or pretend they’ve got more money (or degrees, cars, houses) than they really do.
There’s probably something to this; in studies, some women admit that when they have casual sex, they maintain high standards for a guy’s high resources. A cocky attitude may in itself tell a woman a guy has the goods, and lying can cover the rest.
Your Mission?
Jerks probably do get women more easily in casual sex scenarios. But they don’t get or stay married more easily; they aren’t loved more, or longer. Factually, their lives and loves are crappier—not happier. And studies show that very few men want to play the field all their lives; men and women alike want lasting, true love.

 

Dating Tips for Men - eHarmony

ince the 1960s, our roles in the dating world have shifted dramatically. These changes have been great, but they’ve also left many of us unsure about common dating etiquette and practices. The dating world isn’t so clear cut anymore.

Our eH+ clients often ask us who should be the pursuer in a relationship. There are all kinds of ideas out there about both men’s and women’s roles when it comes to finding love.
Some experts advocate for complex rules that dictate who can be proactive in initiating communication with the opposite sex. They believe that men should be pursuing women, and men should be doing the asking out and initiating interactions that move the relationship further.
The problem with rules like this is that they no longer work. They are leaving both men and women unfulfilled when it comes to love. They also no longer fit into the flow of how the world operates. Outside of dating, men and women are being proactive in their lives when it comes to careers, social groups, finances, parenting, family relationships, etc. It is totally unnatural to do something completely different when it comes to your love life.
The short answer is that any person, man or woman, who is interested in another individual should feel comfortable making a move, or even the first few moves. Being proactive is a success skill and mindset that will serve you in any area of life.
In all of this, both people should be initiating contact and responding to the other person’s communication. The secret is to be proactive in initiating contact mixed with taking a step back to give the other person a chance to make the effort of pursuing you as well.
If you are the ONLY person in pursuit, the other person is likely not interested.
Warning signs that you are the only one being proactive:

1. You are constantly reaching out via text or phone and they are only responding on a limited or infrequent basis.
2. The relationship is not progressing through the natural stages. You are not meeting the important people in their life.
3. They want to spend less and less time with you.
4. They keep blaming their busy schedule as the reason why you two can’t get together.
5. You only get together on their terms.

If someone is showing these warning signs of not being interested in you, they are likely not your most compatible partner. You deserve to be with someone who wants to spend time with you and get to know you. You want a partner who is genuinely interested in giving a relationship with you a chance.